


Questions of Power

by broomclosetkink



Series: In All Forms [2]
Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Battousai - Freeform, F/M, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-24
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-21 06:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 7,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/896699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broomclosetkink/pseuds/broomclosetkink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Power, Perceived. In the aftermath of the Revolution, Kaoru and Kenshin must learn who they are outside the war, who they are together, and how to make a new way of life. AU, drabble collection.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Request

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this fic has been like chopping a limb off: painful and grueling. I'm still working on it, but I think beginning to post will help me continue, and keep me from changing what doesn't need changed. So. Here we have it, the Angstquel of lore, sequel to Power, Perceived.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summer begins to whisper it's coming on the edges of the cool spring winds, and Himura Kaoru knows that it won't be long until even the dirt becomes scorched from the heat. She finds her husband outside, hands submerged in water as he washes laundry. He spends more and more time picking up household duties, and while Kaoru feels she is somehow letting him down by not being a better wife, she refuses to try and take these tasks away from him.

This new life he has been thrust into is not one he knows how to live. These chores keep him grounded, though it worries Kaoru with how often he dips his hands into the water and scrubs; something dark haunts his eyes when he does this, and she fears what this darkness may bring to them.

"I'll help," she offers when the laundry has been thoroughly washed. Together they hang it, hair and wet cloth rustling in the wind, while the grass folds softly under foot.

After this long stretch of silence (one Kaoru does not attempt to break as she senses words boiling up Kenshin's throat; she will always be willing to wait for him) Kenshin says, without looking to her, "Has Sano -" He grimaces, and swallows whatever he was going to say. "No, I...I assume that Sanosuke  _has_  told you about my past."

Kaoru's hands begin to tremble.

"About Tomoe, I mean," Kenshin clarifies.

"Yes," she agrees after a long, breathless pause. "He has."

Kenshin nods, and for a time he is so still that it seems he has even stopped breathing. Kaoru cannot seem to stop moving, however; the trembling in her soul seems to be reflected in her body.

"I would like to go to Kyoto," he says finally, "I want to pray at her grave. And I want you to come with me. I think...I think it would make my heart happy if the two of you found peace with each other."

Relief blooms like a flower in Kaoru's chest. What had she feared that he might say? (That she is nothing more than a replacement, and these long days and nights spent with her has made this clear to him.) This request he makes of her is unexpected but not unwelcome; Kaoru thinks it would make her heart happy as well, to lay offerings to the woman who helped shaped the man that she now loves.

"Of course," she agrees, reaching out to rest her hand on Kenshin's arm. "I would be honored visit Tomoe-san's grave with you, Kenshin."

Her husband's smile is tremulious.


	2. Travelers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daily updates as Power received in the past. Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, and signed up for notifications. I appreciate it so much! I'm very glad you're all returning to this verse with me. :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Are you sure you don't need me to come with you?" Sanosuke asks for perhaps the hundredth time. A rucksack is packed and leaning near the gate. 

Subtlity is not Sano's strong point. 

"I think I should come," he presses. “Just in case."

"I can take care of myself and Kaoru." Kenshin's words are mild and his eyes amused. It isn't that Sanosuke has no valid reason for his worry; the new government may have proclaimed peace, but the people are still adjusting, and many battles are still being fought in Japan. Kyoto remains a place of bloodshed in the darkest hours of the night, and if Kaoru were going at the side of anyone else, she knows Sanosuke's fears would not be misplaced.

"Yeah, I know," Sano grumbles, folding his arms across his chest. "But you just never know what might happened, and --"

"You're so stupid, Rooster Head!" Yelping as he is smashed across the back with a shinai, Sanosuke staggers as Yahiko pulls an exagerated face at him. "This trip to Kyoto is private, and they don't need you sticking your big hair in it!"

"My hair isn't big!" Sanosuke defends, squeaking in horror. "It's thick!"

"Rooster Head,” is Yahiko smug, answering mutter.

"Take care of the dojo while I'm gone.” Fighting the urge to hug to her apprentice, Kaoru settles for rustling his hair. "And keep an eye on Sanosuke, huh? Don't let him gamble all the ink paintings away."

"Will do, Kaoru!" 

"You know how to reach us if something happens." Sano and Kenshin nod at each other, sharing some sort of silent communication. Sanosuke claps his old friend on the back before Kenshin turns, taking Kaoru's hand and drawing her from the dojo.

She can't help but feel that destiny twines around their ankles, guiding them forward. There is change in the air, a bittersweet tang that makes nervous energy boil inside her.

Some indifinable change is coming their way, and Kaoru prays it will be for the best.


	3. Slosh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so wonderfully supportive. Massive thanks to Syolen, who has like twenty times my talent and still puts up with me fangirling/sobbing about this damn story at her. Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, and signed up for notifications. I appreciate it very much!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"I'm  _dying_." Groaning above the small bucket that contains the final bits of her last meal, Kaoru pushes sweaty hair from her face and trembles.

Kenshin pats her shoulder comfortingly before removing the bucket, disappearing out of the small cabin they share to dump her sick overboard. He returns when it is empty, carrying fresh water and cloths.

"Sea sickness," he advises sagely. "It will pass."

"No, you idiot," Kaoru corrects crossly. Doesn't he see how  _sick_  she is? Her inside slosh meanly with motions of the ship, and she thinks even her brain will be liquefied, left to drip stickily out of her ears. "I'm going to  _die_."

"You'll be fine." More patronizing than comforting, Kaoru scowls at Kenshin's tone of voice. Her hand flashes out and smacks him hard on the side. He gives a yelping, "Oro!" of surprise, before lunging forward to put the bucket between Kaoru and the floor as a heave surges through her body.

She dangles from the little bunk they share, body convulsing. Kenshin drapes a cool cloth over the back of her neck, and resumes his caretaking.

(He stops correcting her when she proclaims death is near but only after she threatens to lodge her bokken in truly uncomfortable place.)


	4. Kyoto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading, reviewing, and subscribing. I appreciate it so much! All your kind comments keep me going on. :) 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Walk beside me," Kenshin orders as they enter Kyoto, taking Kaoru by the wrist and pulling her forward. "I can't see you otherwise." His free hand remains draped on the hilt of his sword, a clear warning.

Kyoto does not bear scars from the war; instead it is full of open, bleeding wounds. Here is the burnt husk of a building, which Kenshin looks to as they walk past. His face pales before he lowers his head, hiding his eyes under the brim of his bamboo hat. Kaoru wonders about the story of this building, if Kenshin played a part in it, but she doesn't ask.

The people of Kyoto show the signs as well. Their eyes are that of both hunter and prey, sliding back and forth, always waiting for an enemy. Women keep their heads down and their feet quick, men try to look in all directions at once, and even the elderly - who so often stop and share stories or conversation at the sides of street - speak in quick whispers before moving on.

Kenshin radiates tension.

Kaoru is not blind that there are many more eyes than she would have thought that catch sight of his red hair falling down his back like a spill of solid blood, and recognize him. These men part to let them through, before drawing close together. A few whisper, "The demon of Kyoto - is the war truly over? It can't be, not if he's returned..."

They come to an inn. It is neither small nor large, neither old nor new; it simply exists quietly on a side street where few pass by. Kenshin gestures for Kaoru to enter the inn ahead of her, unwilling to leave her back unprotected.

"Hello, how may I - Battousai-san!" The old woman that greets them gasps with a mouth missing most teeth, though it quickly stretches into a wide, happy smile. Her dark eyes glimmer like a young girl's, and she flutters happily. "My goodness, I hadn't though I'd see you again, at least not so soon - and this must be your young wife! Why, I know it is; Kaoru-chan, it's just as your father said, you do have his pretty blue eyes!"

Kaoru feels faintly breathless from this woman's enthusiasm.

"You knew my father?" Kaoru questions, taking a half step forward. Kenshin removes his hat, and while his smile is faint, it is warm.

"Oh, yes - why, he spoke of you so often that I feel as though you're my own grandchild. I was so happy when Battousai-san came back to Kyoto and told me you had become his wife. Do you remember the few times your father came home before his death, he brought with him little gifts? I sent you those, since my daughter is grown and I don't have a granddaughter to buy pretty things for."

"My fan!" Kaoru's heart opens like a flower under a spring sunshine, and she allows the old woman to take her hands in a warm grasp. "And my hairpins, and the comb...oh, you're the kind woman that sent me those? I treasure them still, they're all so very pretty."

"I'm glad. Oh, forgive me, my dear. I'm Yamada Eiko, but please, you call me Soba. Everyone here does." She releases Kaoru's hands and turns to Kenshin, whose smile has turned rather indulgent at this point. It's obvious that he is fond of this old woman, and how could he not be? She radiates kindness, and Kaoru feels as though she is closer to her father's memory after her words.

"Your usual room is empty." Soba gestures down the hall. "Go ahead and take it. I'll bring the two of you something up to eat, I'm sure you're hungry after your trip from Edo."

"Thank you." Kenshin and Kaoru bow, before he leads her away. His hand never leaves the hilt of his sword.


	5. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't update yesterday. Life and health got in the way. But here we are. :) Thank you for reading, reviewing, and all the alerts. I appreciate it so much!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Kaoru does not ask Kenshin to sleep next to her, not while they are in Kyoto. His eyes are dark with a past Kaoru can only faintly see and never touch, and they glow like lanterns in the dark room. He rests with his back against the wall and sword at his shoulder, not at all relaxed. He remains tense, waiting for some attack.

Worry mounts in Kaoru's chest. The tension keeps her awake, quietly vibrating. She wants to go for a walk, longs for cool air. She doubts Kenshin would take kindly to a midnight stroll down the streets of Kyoto, however.

"I feel as though I will never be able to wash the blood from my hands." His voice is low in the darkness of their room, after what feels like hours of Kaoru pretending to sleep. "I smell it here. It drenches Kyoto, and so much of it is my doing."

What can Kaoru say? She cannot deny the deeds her husband has committed - he has taken countless lives. But he is not to blame, not entirely; he fought for what he believed to be right and just. He fought for a new era of peace and prosperity for the people of Japan, and carved out bits of soul to do so.

"You are a good man, Himura Kenshin," she finally settles on saying, sitting up and twisting around to look at him. His gaze remains somewhere to her left; it seems he cannot bring himself to look at her. "You did what few men are able to do. You gave up parts of yourself for the good of our country."

"I am a murderer," he breathes shamefully, squeezing his eyes shut. His hands knot into fists, and he trembles like a fragile leaf on a strong wind. "I don't deserve to be next to you, Kaoru. You are so pure, and I - I am -"

"You are a good man." Kaoru's voice brooks no argument, as she fills it with every inch of her conviction. She crawls from the futon to Kenshin's side, takes his fists and slowly, carefully loosens his fingers. Into his grasp she inserts her hands, holding him in place as much as anchoring herself to him. "And you are a wonderful husband. I love you, Kenshin. Whatever the past holds, it doesn't have to be our future. But no matter what the future brings, you will not face it alone. We will face it together."

"Kaoru..." Kenshin breaks, Kaoru can see it. It is like some great wound inside him is sliced open, releasing infection and pain into the very air they breathe. She leans forward, presses her lips against his nose and cheeks, the soft skin of eyelids and narrow line of his jaw.

He pulls her into his lap, clings to her as his tears fall into her hair down the curve of her cheek, slipping down her neck and sinking into the cloth of her yukata. His sword lies between them, and while Kaoru tries to hate it - it is this sword that has brought her Kenshin such pain - she simply can't.

It has kept him alive, after all.

She sleeps in his grasp, her arms tight around his chest, a guardian against his sins and the ghosts of the past.


	6. Intimacies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm gratified and ecstatic that I'm pulling such emotional reactions from my lovely readers. Please continue to let me know how I'm doing, be it good, bad, or ugly. Growing as a writer and telling a good story is all I want, and you guys guide me by showing me what is correct and what is not. Thank you so much!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The intimacies shared between husband and wife are many and varied, and only a small fraction of them revolve around the physical act of love making. Morning rituals are ones that Kaoru holds particularly close to her heart. She is content to wake early (as Kenshin rises before the dawn, most days), to sweep her tangled hair out of her face, to yawn and blinks sleep from her eyes. This morning they rise together, since they fell asleep so closely entangled, with Kenshin's back against the wall and Kaoru slipping from his lap as both became lax in sleep.

Hiding her mouth with one hand as it stretches wide in a yawn, Kaoru takes the comb Kenshin silently offers her, kneeling behind him. She enjoys the quiet peace of their time together like this, running a comb through his thick hair, working to gently remove all tangles and knots from it before he faces the world. It makes the lingering tension leak from Kenshin's shoulders as well, and she relishes a small sigh from her husband as the teeth of the comb scrape against his scalp.

"Will we go to visit Tomoe-san today?" Surprisingly, Kenshin remains lax, nearly touching his chin to his shoulder took back at Kaoru. His smile is soft and rather sweet as he nods.

"I thought we would, if you are still agreeable to it."

"Of course I am." How could she not be? Kaoru has feared the ghost of Tomoe for too long, in the days where Kenshin remained in Kyoto, and even after his return. The thought of being only a replacement for a wife lost is unbearable in the face of the emotions Kaoru has come to hold for Kenshin.

But in the quiet peace of their new life, in the memory and moment of mornings where Kaoru brushes his long hair and is free to lean forward and kiss the soft skin where his neck and shoulder meet (Kenshin shivers, and reaches back to touch Kaoru's hand), those fears seem so petty. Tomoe-san was a different woman from Kaoru, this is true, and Kenshin loved this woman so mightly that he would have given his life for her.

However, it is Kaoru he protects and allows close now.

She simply doesn't have room in her heart to fear a ghost.

"Thank you," Kenshin speaks quietly, the words of his heart falling from his tongue. "I am glad."

"I am, too." She truly is, Kaoru realizes. She wants to honor this woman's spirit; she saved Kenshin, after all. This is a debt that Kaoru can never repay the fallen woman.

A quiet sort of peace fills the inn room. Kaoru helps Kenshin pull his hair up into his customary style, high at the the top of his head, the length falling down his back like a fiery waterfall. Kenshin combs the snarls from Kaoru's hair return, tying it up with her ribbon. He helps her dress afterwards, content to assist in the folding and elaborate knotting of her obi.

"Battousai-san?" Soba's voice drifts from the hall in starkly worried tones moments before the shoji is slid open. The old woman's face is wreathed with worried frowns as she bows. "I'm so sorry to disturb you, but there is a man here asking to speak with you."

Worry stabs Kaoru through the gut, making her take in a sharp breath as she jerks her head around to look at Kenshin. Eyes narrowed dangerously, he takes a half step forward.

"For me? Do you know him, has he been here before?"

"I haven't any idea who he is."

"I'll be there in a moment. Kaoru, stay here." Kaoru nods grudgingly, off-put, but doesn't attempt to follow.

 


	7. Differences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kenshin, you mysterious bastard. He exhausts me. Thank you to everyone who is reading, reviewing, and subscribing to alerts! I appreciate your support more than you know.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Stay at the inn. Unless Soba-san goes with you, go nowhere else. It isn't safe." Kaoru is only just beginning to see the true differences between her husband and the Battousai, and while they don't scare her, they are certainly troubling. The man she has grown to love is quiet but kind, often hiding his sharp mind behind gentle smiles and pale eyes.

Battousai is...keen. He sees everything, and moves like flowing water. He does not lower his head and press his lips, fleetingly, to his wife's cheek as Kenshin would; instead he hovers at the door, looking momentarily torn. Kaoru makes the decision for him, stepping close and taking his hand. He squeezes her fingers tightly, nodding once before quickly leaving.

Kaoru feels rather bereft. Alone in Kyoto, ordered to stay in an inn with nothing to do...she is far too used to being busy through the hours of the day. Sitting here will drive her mad.

Perhaps an hour after Kenshin leaves, for whatever mysterious reason he has, when Soba finds Kaoru sitting in the little garden sipping tea and counting clouds.

"The war might be ended as far as the government is concerned," the old woman announces with a great sweep of her hands, "but it still rages in Kyoto. I'm not sure why Battousai-san came back so quickly."

"We have business here," Kaoru answers, before her shoulders round forward. She can't quite meet the older woman's eyes as she adds, "We are going to pay respects to his first wife's grave."

"Ah," Soba breathes, reaching out to lay a comforting hand on Kaoru's shoulder. "You're a good girl to come with him. Becoming the wife of a man who has lost one already is a difficult position; I know, I did the same. You always feel as though you are never able to fill the holes."

"I don't resent Tomoe-san!" Quick to point this out, Kaoru lifts one hand. "I just...it's very..."

"It's difficult. But don't worry, dear, it's plain as day how much Battousai-san cares for you. His eyes are soft when he looks at your face, and there is such happiness radiating from his very spirit."

Kaoru flushes, but cannot hide her smile.

"Come now," Soba says sternly, "no use in sitting around doing nothing. I have some cleaning to be done, and by the looks of you, it seems as though you need something to keep those hands of yours busy."


	8. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been so incredibly supportive! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Kenshin returns late in the night. At some point Kaoru fell asleep, and she doesn't wake until she hears him rustling around. She bolts upright on the futon, pushing her hair from her eyes and blinking at the shadowy form of her husband.

"Kenshin?" she questions.

"Yes," he answers quietly, "only me. Go back to sleep now, Kaoru."

This night he lies beside her. His hair is still wet from a bath, and there is something...distant about him.

"Are you...alright?" she questions after a few moments of silence, turning to rest her hand on his chest. She receives no answer. 

Until -- after so long that she thinks he has forgotten her inquiry, when sleep is just beginning to take hold of her once again -- Kenshin whispers, "No. I'm not."

Kaoru has no answer to this. She simply presses close, allowing Kenshin to curl his arm around her shoulders and hug her tightly.

She wakes in the morning to find him already gone.

  
  



	9. Warrior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this chapter early because I'll be out of town tomorrow. Backstreet Boys concert in St. Louis, here I come! My chronic illnesses will no doubt kick my ass for this, but honestly, I wouldn't miss this trip with my four best friend for ANYTHING! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who is reading, reviewing, and subscribing. I appreciate the feedback so very much! It keeps me going. :) This chapter is dedicated (more than usual) to Syolen, just because I can. Are you guys reading Truce? You should be. Also, help me beg her for a new chapter, because I am going through withdrawal.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

“Why won't you just _talk_ to me!” Kaoru doesn't shout, but she does raise her voice. A tabi flies past Kenshin's ear, tossed in a fit of frustration.

 

Her husband spreads his hands, attempting to pacify her. His motions and submissive stance are undermined by the angry gold of his eyes, which he tries (and fails) to hide behind his bangs. “Kaoru, I do not want you to concern yourself with the politics of –”

 

“It's too late for that, Kenshin, so stop _saying_ it!” The second tabi follows, whacking against the rice paper screen before flopping dejectedly to the floor. Kaoru is breathing heavily, hands balled into tight fists at her sides as she tries to regain some control. She wants to beat sense into her husband – she wants to ply with him with kisses, to bring the smile back to his mouth and the sweet, violet shade of happiness to his eyes – she wants to _not be here_ , where he keeps secrets and comes home covered in blood. “You wanted to come to Kyoto, and I followed you. I came because I love you, and I want to honor Tomoe-san. I did _not_ agree to this trip so you could return to being a hitokiri!”

 

They both suck in a sharp, startled breath. Kaoru's very heart trembles, terrified; neither of them have said it, have acknowledged what Kenshin is doing. In fact, Kaoru has done her best to avoid it.

 

“I do what I must for the country,” Kensin whispers, “for your...for _our_ future, and that of our children and grandchildren.”

 

One hand knots in the fabric covering Kaoru's stomach. For their children and grandchildren, for the lives of those not yet born, Kenshin will sacrifice himself on an alter of war. A war that should be ended, at least for him.

 

“You don't have to. Please, Kenshin. We can leave. You've done enough. Let the others finish this bloody work. Let's visit Tomoe-san, and leave. Tomorrow, or the next day –”

 

“I've made promises, Kaoru. I will not sully my honor by turning my back on them.”

 

“But _Kenshin_ –” Desperation and bile alike burn at the back of Kaoru's throat, making her stomach clinch and dizziness take hold.

 

“I'm sorry, Kaoru. I am. But for now, we stay.” Rarely does Kenshin use this voice in presence; it is cold, brooking no argument, no question. His face, which she once thought as inhuman as it was beautiful, is seemingly sculpted in ice. The fluidity, life, and wonder have been stripped away, leaving only the steel forged remains of a warrior.

 

There will be no changing his mind.

 

 


	10. Worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My name is Broomy, and I am the actual worst at updating lately. I'm SO sorry. In my defense, I am half out of my mind in pain/painkillers right now. But my trip to St. Louis and the BSB concert was AMAZING, and worth the physical pain it caused! I haven't so much fun IN YEARS!! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, subscribed, and continues to read. I was shocked by the venom/anger most people had after the last chapter, and totally gratified. I'm glad to see you're all as much on Kaoru's side as I am in this debacle. ;) 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Three days pass; Kaoru sees little of her husband, and only a little more of the man people claim to be the demon of Kyoto. At night he seems unwilling not to sleep by her side, but when she touches him he flinches, and there is something like shame in his golden eyes.

Kaoru's worries are endless.

On this third night, Soba brings her tea late into the night, brushing the hair from Kaoru's face and kissing her forehead, as though she is a favored grandchild.

"These times are rough and they twist a man up inside, tear him from what he desires with whispers of honor. Remind him of who he is outside of this place, and then take him far away, Kaoru-chan. Until he is settled, don't let him come back."

"What if...?" Unable to finish the thought, Kaoru falters. There are so many what if's.

What if Kenshin sends her home, and stays in Kyoto? What if he is killed on the streets? What if he never returns home? What if there is nothing she can do to ease his suffering? The litanies of her worries fly circles around her mind like shrieking sparrows, and Kaoru closes her eyes against tears.

"I think Battousai-san's love for you is stronger than his perceived responsibility to the last battles of this war." Soba advises with gentle wisdom, before leaving.

Kaoru waits,

and waits,

flinching at every faint sound, nearly in tears when she hears the voice of several men on the streets. Are they bringing back the body of the Battousai? Will she wash him clean and be forced to put him to rest next to Tomoe-san, or bring him home in a shroud before laying him next to her mother and father?

When Kenshin enters the room, as quiet and still as a shadow on a moonless night, Kaoru's heart nearly topples out of her mouth. He seems surprised to see her awake and waiting for him, eyes widening as she lets out a faint sound of relief.

She surges upright, very nearly leaping the entire width of their room before smashing into his chest.

He smells of blood, and it rubs off on her. A dark stain against her white cheek and neck, and Kenshin's reaction is...volatile, to say the least.

"No!" He pushes her back, uses the sleeve of his haori to roughly wipe the blood away. "No, Kaoru, this should never -- I won't let this touch you, I won't let Kyoto soak you in blood as well --"

Kaoru catches his hands. The panic of a wild, cornered animal is reflected in Kenshin's eyes. His breathing is so quick and irregular she fears he may simply topple over.

"A bath," she orders quietly, "and then we will talk."

"Kaoru --" Whatever he might say is cut off with one single, darkly stern look.

"A bath," she repeats, "and then we will talk, Kenshin."

He nods, and stands quietly while Kaoru gathers fresh clothing.

(Kenshin weeps as she washes the blood from his body.)


	11. Mantra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO MUCH for all your amazing feedback. I'm stunned and humbled, truly. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"I'm sick of the blood." Kenshin speaks quietly, sword against his shoulder and eyes lowered, perhaps unable to look at his wife as he admits these things. "It fills my nightmares, and sometimes I can smell nothing else. I only wanted to save lives and bring about a new era of peace and prosperity to our country when I entered this war. But now I'm haunted by the deaths I have brought about while seeking this new era, and even now -- as this new government begins to build this new era -- I cannot escape the death.

"I don't know how to protect this country, or you, without this sword. But..." Slowly Kenshin lifts his eyes, showing Kaoru the depths of his pain and torment. "I want nothing more than to seek penance for the lives I have taken. I was forged on the blade of my sword, though, and know no other way to live."

What can Kaoru possibly say? To ask Kenshin to give up that which makes him  _Kenshin_  would be impossible. But to allow him to continue destroying himself on the whims of the government and still warring fractions...this she cannot do either.

Her heart trembles.

"We will find a way," she breathes, reaching out to gently cup the side of his face. "Together, we will find a new way for you to live. I promise."

"I don't deserve you." Here Kaoru's heart cracks, wounded beyond belief by the knowledge that Kenshin truly, absolutely believes this. He does not have to speak the words  _(_ _I am too blood soaked and cursed to deserve you_ ) for Kaoru to know these are his true feelings.

"You're a good man, Himura Kenshin," she vows, and thinks this may be the mantra she endlessly repeats for the rest of her life. "Even if you don't believe me, I will show you until one day it becomes your truth, as well as mine."

The sun rises over Kyoto, and perhaps there is a new, fragile hope in Kenshin's eyes.

 


	12. Blessings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the worst updater in the world, I know. Two days missed, I think? I'm making it up to you with three consecutive updates for the two days I missed and today. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who is reading, and especially reviewing! The feedback helps me grow as a writer, and keeps me going.
> 
> Also, this chapter is dedicated to amie689, whose wonderful fanart inspired this chapter. :) 
> 
> Shameless Groveling: So if anyone is Harry Potter fan, all I'm saying is that I've got an ongoing HP fic set in the Marauder's era. You should read it. Tell me what you think about it. Please? :) 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Kenshin sleeps a bare few hours before taking to the streets again. Kaoru doesn't ask what he is doing, and he doesn't offer the information.

It seems Soba senses Kaoru's melancholy, and draws her out onto the street.

They go to the cematary.

"I had to do a bit of questioning, but I believe this is the grave you're looking for." Soba hands Kaoru flowers and incense, taking a few steps back. "I'll give you privacy."

Standing before the grave of Tomoe-san, Kaoru feels...oh, so many things. Shame, for not taking Kenshin wholly away from the life and duties he so resents, when Tomoe gave her life in the hope he would find a better way of living. Sadness that this young woman was cut down so early, put in such an intolerable position. And finally, as she lights the incense and lays flowers on the dirt, kneeling down with a lowered head -- something washes over Kaoru.

Perhaps it is her imagination, but the wind curls strangely along her hands, like the grasp of a woman who is passing on love and blessings from the spirit world.


	13. Ideals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look see, more fic. Don't hurt me.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Kaoru-chan?" Kaoru is busily -- and happily -- working at the laundry for the inn, content to have her hands occupied. Her heart is light after her morning visit to Tomoe's grave, and while she still has no idea of how to help Kenshin escape the torture his part in the war has brought him, there is such a lightness to her spirit that she cannot help but feel all things will, in the end, work out.

"Yes?" She smiles brightly up at Soba, who has a rather worried, pinched look around her eyes.

"There is a man here to see you."

"What?" Leaning back as she dries her hands, Kaoru frowns. Who could possibly be here to see _her_? The only person she knows in Kyoto is Kenshin...perhaps something has happened to him. What if he is wounded, or even... "Who is he?"

"He gave the name of Arai Shaku." It takes a moment to place the name. When it finally dawns on her, like a bolt from the blue, Kaoru is even _more_ confused. Why would the famous swordsmith be searching _her_ out? 

Soba takes her to where Shaku is waiting; he is a tall man with a thick build, and there is something about his eyes -- haunted and edgy -- that reminds her just enough of Kenshin to make Kaoru slightly less nervous.

"Himura-san?" he questions with a bow. "Wife of the Battousai?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I had heard some interesting news from compatriots of your husband, and I had thought if anyone would be able to tell me the truth of the matter, than it would be you."

"I'm not sure what information you think I have, but I will do my best to assist you." 

There is a long pause, and the gaze Shaku levels on Kaoru is direct, almost peircing. "They say your husband is seeking a new life. He desires to put down his sword, but since this is still a dangerous time and he has a new wife to keep safe, he is unwilling to leave you both unprotected." 

"I don't know why this concerns you, but yes. What've you heard is true."

"Then give your husband this." Shaku produces a sheathed katana, pulling the blade free. Kaoru frowns at it for a long, long time, attempting to puzzle it out. "It's a sakabato. It's only scrap metal, but the Battousai can try his ideals on this blunt edge. If it ever breaks, and he finds that he still wishes to persue such a idealist life, then send him back to me."

"Arai-san," Kaoru nearly stutters as the blade is once more sheathed, and placed in her hands. "I don't -- I don't know what to say --"

"He'll probably throw it away," Shaku grumbles with a shrug, turning on his heel. "I wouldn't blame him."

Kaoru's hands tremble with the force of her hope.

  
  



	14. Sakabato

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SAKABATO FANGIRLING ACTIVATE. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"A sakabato? A reversed blade?" Running his long fingers over the blade, Kenshin looks positively dumbfounded. "I've never seen anything like it."

"A sword that doesn't kill." Just saying it outloud makes tears glitter in Kaoru's eyes. "Kenshin...this is..."

Words fail them. Wonder begins to blossom on Kenshin's face like spring flowers opening up the first warm rays of sunshine, lightening his eyes until they are a pale violet. 

"It's impractical," he sounds positively joyous to say. "It's perfect."

Kaoru beams.


	15. Graveside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO MUCH for all your lovely reviews, I'm so pleased you're all sticking with me for this ride. Please continue to do so -- I do know where everything is going, and all loose ends will be tied up when the entire story ends. (Uh, several actual stories from now; Questions will have at least two sequels.) 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

When they finally visit Tomoe-san's grave together, they have a spare few moments of silent reflection (Kaoru standing slightly behind Kenshin for a time, allowing him a private moment of grief and possibly even a goodbye of sorts), before a young man charges up. The look Kenshin bestows the boy with is positively murderous, though the young swordsman seems to pay no mind.

"You've been summoned!" He doesn't bother to keep his voice down, and his hands flail energetically. "I'm sorry to bother you, Battousai-san, but I was told it's urgent."

"I have to walk my wife back to our inn." Kenshin's tone is positively icy. "It will be - "

"I know my way back," Kaoru puts in quietly, offering Kenshin a soft smile. "Go on."

"No, I don't think -"

"I'll walk her back." The youth - he really is no more than a boy, no more than a few years older than Yahiko - seems positively ecstatic to be such help. "Please, go ahead. I'll defend her with my life."

Kaoru absolutely does not laugh. She thinks it would crush the poor lad. Kenshin glowers a moment longer before nodding tightly, reaching out to lay his fingertips on Kaoru's wrist.

"I'll see you back at the inn," he promises in a low voice. "Be safe. Straight there, go nowhere else."

"Of course," Kaoru agrees, fighting back the urge to lean in and kiss his worries away. "Go on. We'll be fine." She waits until Kenshin is no longer in sight before turning to the boy with a smile.

"Do you mind giving me a moment alone? I would like to say goodbye."

He nods, backing away.

Kaoru prays to Tomoe for guidance. She believes that the gift of this sakabato may be the salvation that Kenshin so desperately seeks, and she wants with every fiber of her being to help him. She has no doubt that Tomoe would feel the same; perhaps she will help Kaoru find the right steps, even from the afterlife.

"Do you know her?" The heavily accented voice startles Kaoru from her meditative prayers, and she jerks upright. Her eyes keep going and going - a tall man, earring dangling from one lobe, stands over her. His hair is shockingly white, and his eyes are hidden behind small, colored lenses.

"I'm sorry?" Kaoru answers without thinking.

The man glowers, mouth taunt.

"I...no, not really. Not while she was alive."

"Then why are you putting flowers on this grave?"

"She's my husband's honored first wife," Kaoru bows her head, smiling softly. "I've come to pay my respects. Did you know Tomoe-san?"

The man is shockingly pale when Kaoru looks up. His mouth trembles weakly, and so do his hands. She steps forward, worried, afraid he might be about to collapse.

"No," he breathes in horror, "it can't be!"

He lunges before Kaoru has even a hope of dodging. She is the assistant master of her dojo, she carries on the traditions of her father's sword style...but even with all her speed and grace, this stranger is so quick that there is no hope of moving away. His hands wrap tight around Kaoru's throat, cutting off her hoarse shout.

Kaoru's blunt nails dig hard into his wrists, pressing until they break skin and draw a spare few droplets of blood.

The young messenger shouts, hoarsely, and when he smashes his sheathed sword against the arms of the man holding her (perhaps breaking something; there is a terrible crack), Kaoru falls backwards. The boy catches her. Shoved her behind his back, she flinches at the sound of the messenger's sword being drawn

"Do you have any idea who you're assaulting?" the boy hisses. "This is the wife of the hitokiri Battousai - he will kill you for this!"

Kaoru's attacker laughs. Laughs long, hard, and deep; so hard, in fact, that tears fall down his sun kissed cheeks. He collapses to his knees, bracing himself hard on his palms as his laughter turns to terrible sobs.

"I can't!" He weeps violently. It is obvious he is deranged. "I'm so sorry, but I  _can't_! I've failed you again!"

The messenger drags Kaoru away.

She doesn't fight him.


	16. Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is SO MUCH FUN to hear how you're all so into Questions, and trying to figure out what is going to happen next. Sadly, sometimes a messenger boy is only a messenger boy; and sometimes your author is cruel and will only tell you that shit hits the fan next chapter, though not in what way. MUUUHAHAHAHA. Thank you all for reading, reviewing, and subscribing. You're amazing!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Kaoru should have known she couldn't threaten the boy (Miroku, she believes his name was) into silence. It all came down to who he was more frightened of: Kaoru or Kenshin.

Kenshin won by default.

"Bruises," his fingers are gentle on her jaw and cheeks as he tilts her head up and to each side. His voice is...cold. Terribly,  _frighteningly_  cold. "You'll have trouble talking for a while."

"I'm fine," Kaoru croaks. She does her very best to smile. "I just don't know who that man was. Or why he attacked me."

"Mmm," Kenshin hums lowly, and doesn't quite meet her eyes.

 


	17. Joy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I said that shit would hit the fan in this chapter. Well, I was wrong. Next chapter. I got the order confused, aren't I so smart!? thank you for all the wonderful reviews and messages, for reading and subscribing! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Our boat leaves tomorrow," Kenshin announces the next morning. He carries the sakabato with his daisho now, as though he still isn't sure which one he's going to give up. His hand strays to the hilt of the sakabato often, palming it like a lover. His eyes flash and shift in shade and color with thoughts he doesn't share. "I'll be glad to see our home."

Kaoru curls her hands around his neck and kisses him, deeply and happily, cheered beyond belief by his turn of phrase. _Our home_ \-- she'd never though two simple words could bring her such joy.

At the end Kenshin looks rather...smug. His arms wind around her waist, free to do so since she wears her practice hakama. His mouth presses destractingly to a particularly tender spot behind her ear.

"I take it you'll be glad to leave Kyoto?" he inquires, with an amused twitching of his mouth. 

"It isn't a good place for us," Kaoru admits slowly. "I'll go wherever you go, but I think it's best if we stay away from Kyoto for a while."

"Where ever I go?" Kenshin asks, and there is...something in his eyes, something Kaoru doesn't like.

'"Yes," she answers firmly. "No matter how far."

"Even..if I asked you not to?" Lavender eyes hesident, his grip becomes tighter. 

"Espeically then." 

Kenshin kisses her again; Kaoru thinks it rather tastes like relief.

  
  



	18. Wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two for the price of one. Because I'm terrible at updating recently.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It happens without warning.

Crashing sounds; screams and shouts from below, and the unmistakable sound of bodies thumping against the floor.

Kenshin, who has only just returned in from some excursion or another, throws a hand towards her.

"Stay here!" he orders, even though she is already grabbing for her bokken. Kenshin races out, leaving Kaoru standing in the middle of the room with a white face and wide eyes. What is happening? She has no idea, but there are more screams and gurgles, and the faint, low throb of Kenshin's voice from the level below.

What should she do?

She thinks her heart may beat out of her throat. Even as the assistant master of the Kamiya Kasshin-ryu, she fears that her skills are not enough to stand in battle against the ferocious warriors of Kyoto.

How long does it take? Five minutes? Ten? Kaoru doesn't know, has no sense of time; she wants to race to Kenshin, but she thinks she may only make things worse. It stings her pride, but she may end up being only a liability to Kenshin during a fight. How focused will he be if he is forced to worry about her immediate safety

The shoji crashes inwards so suddenly that Kaoru screams, high and loud. She raises her bokken, braces herself for an attack, but just like when the strange man attacked her at Tomoe's grave; there is no chance for her to move. He is like lightning, fast and blinding. This man, tall and narrow as a reed, lunges forward with an insane cackle, scooping Kaorru up before crashing outside with her in his arms. Wood and rice paper flutter around them.

" _Kenshin_!" Kaoru shrieks, flailing violently, her bokken torn from her grasp as the man jumps, high and strong, into the air.

Kenshin appears in the broken doorway. His hair is wild, and he bleeds from deep chest wound.

" _Jin-E_!" he howls fiercely, surging forward.

The last thing Kaoru sees as she and her captor drop to to the street below is Kenshin's wild, angry eyes.


	19. Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading, reviewing, and subscribing. I love you all! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Stop glaring at me like that little girl, I didn't bring you here to eat you." Jin-E takes a long drag from his cigarette, smirking from under the brim of his wide hat.

Kaoru's glower does not lessen.

"Why did you take me?" she demands, struggling against her tightly bound wrists. They are becoming slick with blood; the rough weave scraps and burns painfully, but Kaoru thinks the blood may help her slip her hands free. What she will do then she isn't sure (she can't run with her feet bound, and Jin-E will surely notice when her hands come free), but she will face that obsticale when it appears.

"The war is ending." Jin-E sneers darkly, his disgust laid bare. "This glorious time of blood and death...in all these years, I have not been able to face the hitokiri Battousai. I have not been given the oppertunity to slay the most feared man of the revolution; yesterday they sent for him, as I planned, when I attacked one of the last living leaders of this revolution. Such power! Such strength! He burned with hatred, yet dared to face me with a sword that  _does not kill_." A bark of crazed, hateful laughter leaves Jin-E's throat, and Kaoru shivers. This man...he is  _insane_.

"I do not want a hitokiri who refuses to kill; such ideals are worthless. I want a hitokiri who will fight me as we are meant to fight! By taking his young wife, I have insured that he will attack me with all his strength. And here he comes now..." Jin-E flicks his cigarette, crunching out the blazing ember with one foot. "Come to save his precious woman!"

Kenshin steps into the half over grown clearing, part of a long ago abandoned shrine. Kaoru struggles strength when he comes into her line of vision. The cuts her wrists and hands become deeper, but she doesn't care.

She won't allow Kenshin to spill blood for  _her_.

"Jin-E.” Kenshin's voice is like far off thunder, a dark, ominious rumble. "I will give you one chance to release my wife."

"Take her from me, Battousai! Fight me under this beautiful moon, spill my blood and save your precious woman. If you don't, I will keep you alive long enough to watch me tear her open. If her heart is so precious to you..." Jin-E draws his sword, leering. "Perhaps you would like to hold it in your hands?"

Kaoru has no chance to scream before Kenshin disappears -- he is so fast, faster even than Jin-E! -- and blood flies across the clearing.


	20. Hitokiri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a migraine for like three or four days straight. Your author is this far from relieving the pressure via ice pick and a hammer.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but this goddamn migraine.

Kaoru cannot breathe. Or rather, she can _barely_ breathe; it is a hard, angry rasp deep in her chest as the power of Jin-E's swordsman spirit chokes the life out of her. Sweat pours down her face, her limbs grow heavy, and she fears the worst.

"If you do not kill me," Jin-E explains with a ruthless sort of delight, "the girl will die. It's a horrible death, suffocation; she will salavate and her bowls will loosen, and she will feel pain to the very last second." 

Kenshin sheathes the sakabato he used to messily break Jin-E's nose. He then pulls it, scabbard firmly in place, from it's position under his katana, throwing it away; it flies into the bushes, abandoned.

When he draws his katana it glimmers in the moonlight, deadly. Kaoru wants to scream -- _no, no, not for me, don't kill for me_ \-- but what can she do? She can't breathe, she can't move, spots flicker in front of her eyes and there is...there is no _time..._

"I will take your head for this." Kenshin – no, _Battousai_ \-- breathes.

Jin-E howls his pleasure. "Your eyes! These are the eyes of a killer, and I love them!" 

Kenshin flies once more, high into the air, roaring like a demon as he shoots from the skies towards Jin-E. Kaoru's captor dodges a death blow, but his scream is high and loud as blood flies and his arm dangles uselessly at his side.

Kaoru can see bone. 

"Your arm is ruined," says Kenshin, straightening. "You will never pick up a sword again. Now release my wife, or I will take your life."

"It isn't that simple -- the only way to save this girl is to kill me, otherwise my spell will not be broken. So take my life, Battousai, take my life and relish in the blood you spill!" 

Kenshin sheathes his sword, takes up a strong stance, hand hovering over the hilt. Jin-E wails his amusement, gripping his wakazashi in his one good hand. Blackness crowds out these images, and Kaoru fears...fears her death, fears how Kenshin will react when he is forced to kill for her, fears what will come after – if he will leave her for putting him the position to kill..

" _No_!" Her shriek cuts through the clearing with the force of a shot. Jin-E whirls; Kenshin has already began to unsheath his sword (battoujitsu, the art for which he gained his name), and he nearly impales his katana in the ground as he abrutly turns the swing downwards.

"No, Kenshin!" Kaoru sobs, "don't kill...not for me..."

The world goes soft and bright. Breathing is painful, so painful. 

"Kaoru!" Kenshin catches her as she topples.

(She wakes to find Jin-E with a wakazashi in his gut and a smile on his face. 

Kenshin does not release her.)


End file.
